What's going on: Those damn Mayans! They were right: John Cusack WILL one day have to avoid solar flares, earthquakes, volcanoes and tsunamis.

Your survival kit: An abundance of private jets; monks; the president's daughter

Chance you'll make it: Low. One catastrophe is enough. But a litany? At once? Forget it. Also, you likely won't be able to charter a plane while fleeing Yellowstone. Our nation's parks department is severely underfunded.